ADHD

I was officially diagnosed with ADHD last week. I have talked with several doctors over the years and they each dismissed my concerns as symptoms of my anxiety, depression, and PTSD. About a year ago, I found a checklist on the Additude website and started crying because it almost described me 100%. I printed out the checklist and took it to my psychiatrist. He was still not convinced and told me I would have to make an appointment with their office in Raleigh for very extensive and expensive testing. I honestly felt like I was being accused of just trying to get ADHD medications. I decided to contact Dr. James Byassee, the doctor who diagnosed both Jarrod and Joseph. We met a couple of times and I completed LOTS of rating scales. Jarrod also had some homework to complete. After reviewing the scores, Dr. Byassee said that I clearly met the criteria for an ADHD diagnosis.

On one of the rating scales, I had to reflect on my childhood. I was a rule follower and was terrified to get in trouble; however, I clearly remember having to stay inside during recess or other fun activities to finish incomplete work (especially math). One year, a substitute became upset because I hadn’t finished a math worksheet when everyone else was done. My peers spoke up and told her it takes me longer to finish, because “Dana’s not good at math.” I remember having to stay inside from recess in kindergarten because I didn’t follow directions and incorrectly completed a cut and paste worksheet.

I’ve always struggled with self esteem and confidence issues. I am very easily embarrassed and can be the brunt of jokes. I am always running late, even if I wake up super early! I forget things, misunderstand directions, and procrastinate on everything.

When I’ve talked to people about ADHD, they frequently tell me I always seem to “have it all together.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. They don’t see me in tears at home trying to find something I lost or exhausted at 2:00 in the morning trying to finish IEP paperwork. I’ve been called lazy and told I need to apply myself more. A friend saw one of my to do lists and laughed because it was broken down into such simple steps, such as brush teeth, shower, get dressed, take medicine, feed dogs, etc. She asked why in the world I would need a list to remind me to do these things and I explained that without the list, I would lose track of time or get consumed by something else. Mornings are pure hell for me! Not only do I have to get myself ready, but I have to get my kids up and out the door. When school start times changed and I was supposed to be at work by 7:00, life became extremely stressful and miserable.

Dr. Byassee encouraged me to also look at the positive aspects of having ADHD. I have lots of great ideas and when I’m able to delegate to others I can accomplish great things. For almost 6 years I’ve organized weekly dinners at the Ronald McDonald House. I’ve learned tricks to help this be a success, such as choosing 5 or 6 menus and rotating through them instead of trying to think of something different each week. I created lists of items needed for each meal, then I simply copy and paste those lists on Facebook.

I am including the link and a copy of the questions from the Additude checklist at the end of this Blog post. The next step in my journey is finding a psychiatrist who is open to this new diagnosis. I will do my best to keep you all posted!





https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-in-women/



ADHD Symptoms in Adult Women


Do you feel overwhelmed in stores, at the office, or at parties? Is it impossible for you to shut out sounds and distractions that don’t bother others?


Is time, money, paper, or “stuff” dominating your life and hampering your ability to achieve your goals?


Do you often shut down in the middle of the day, feeling assaulted? Do requests for “one more thing” put you over the top emotionally?


Are you spending most of your time coping, looking for things, catching up, or covering up? Do you avoid people because of this?


Have you stopped having people over to your house because you’re ashamed of the mess?


Do you have trouble balancing your checkbook?


Do you often feel as if life is out of control, and that it’s impossible to meet demands?


Do you feel like you’re always at one end of a deregulated activity spectrum — either a couch potato or a tornado?


Do you feel that you have better ideas than other people but are unable to organize them or act on them?


Do you start each day determined to get organized, and end each day feeling defeated?


Have you watched others of equal intelligence and education pass you by?


Do you despair of ever fulfilling your potential and meeting your goals?


Have you ever been thought of as selfish because you don’t write thank-you notes or send birthday cards?


Are you clueless as to how others manage to lead consistent, regular lives?


Is all your time and energy taken up with coping, staying organized, and holding it together, with no time for fun or relaxation?


Are you called “a slob” or “spacey?” Are you “passing for normal?” Do you feel as if you are an impostor?

April 27th

There have been several times in the past few months when I’ve said, “I can’t do this anymore.” Working full time, doctor and dentist appointments, extracurricular activities, volunteering, home responsibilities...it has all gotten very overwhelming. We are thankful that Jarrod has a steady job right now, but working 6am-6pm means all morning and afterschool responsibilities fall on me. Almost every morning starts with STRESS! Work has been stressful with meetings/testing and trying to make sure my students are getting what they need from me. There’s very little time to complete any paperwork at school, so my nights are spent writing IEPs or completing other paperwork. This past week I had 6 meetings. I was up past midnight at least 2 nights. There is rarely a day after school when there are no plans. Mondays are Durham Children’s Choir rehearsals, Tuesdays are Ronald McDonald House, Wednesdays are Staff Meetings/Curriculum Committees after school, Thursdays are typically our appointment days, and Fridays are usually spent curled up on the bed or couch passed out from exhaustion.

The past 24 hours have been a roller coaster ride of emotions! Last night we noticed our cat acting strange. I decided to keep a close eye on him and make an appointment if things got worse. I needed to finish paperwork for 3 IEP meetings and finally got to sleep at 2am. When my 5am alarm went off I was EXHAUSTED. I fed the cat and watched him for a little while. He jumped in our bathtub and tried to pee, but when I looked all I saw were a few drops of blood. That really worried me. I waited until exactly 7am and called the vet. They said I could bring him in and drop him off for the day. Unfortunately we didn’t have a carrier because we haven’t needed to take him to the vet since we’ve had him. I put him in our car and he settled in at Eli’s feet. After dropping Abby off at preschool, the boys and I took him to North Paw. They let me borrow a carrier to bring him inside the office. I’ve never taken a cat to the vet, but today I became an expert on the subject! I opened the carrier, picked up the cat, and easily placed him inside….NOT! He went wacko and got away from me. He took off across the parking lot. Joseph finally got close enough to him to grab him. He put him back inside the car. Then I climbed inside with the carrier. After wrestling with him, I finally got him in the carrier and closed the door. When all of this excitement was over, I had to drop off Joseph at his bus stop and make it to school for my 8am IEP meeting. I knew I would be a couple minutes late, so I sent a message to the parents. Thankfully they weren’t waiting for me at school because they were also running late. These extremely thoughtful parents brought me a Frappucino from Starbucks! I couldn’t have made it through the 3 meetings without that caffeine boost! The rest of my school day was uneventful, thank goodness!

After school, I talked to the vet. Our cat will be fine, but our budget was destroyed! He is totally worth it, but after we eat beans and rice for a month to save money I might have a different opinion (kidding!) At some point I was looking at Facebook and saw a post offering free tickets to Nashville Songwriters at DPAC. Earlier in the week I had considered buying discounted tickets from a good friend, but unfortunately Jarrod wouldn’t be able to go with me because he’s been working late all week (12+ hours a day). He didn’t think he would be able to stay awake. When I saw the post offering free tickets, I decided to claim them and take Joseph. After picking up Abby and the cat, we got everyone settled at home. Joseph and I left for the DPAC and knew we needed to hurry or we would be late. As we were quickly making our way to our seats, a DPAC employee walked up and offered us front row seats with wristbands for the lounge with free snacks and drinks (every teenager’s dream!) We were so shocked and thankful!

One cute Joseph story: The lady asked him if he’d ever sat in the front row and he replied, “No, but I’ve sang on the stage.” She was impressed!

The show was AMAZING! Joseph especially liked songwriter J.T. Harding. After singing his new high energy song, he tossed his guitar pick to Joseph. I didn’t think the night could get much better for him, but it did. After the show, we saw J.T. and I asked if he would take a picture with Joseph. He recognized Joseph from the audience and chatted with him for several minutes. Then he gave him another guitar pick with an emoji donut on it! He told us to look him up on Instagram and keep him updated on how Joseph is doing. Joseph has been on Cloud 9 for the rest of the night!

I’m so thankful that my stressful morning turned into an absolutely amazing night! We are so extremely blessed. I could probably spend the next hour writing about more of the details of our night, but only getting 3 hours of sleep last night is definitely catching up with me! Time to turn everything off and hopefully get a full night’s sleep!

1996

I am continuing to write about each year of our marriage. I slacked off for a while, but I'm ready to get started again. Here is our story for 1996.

In 1996, Jarrod decided to take a job back in Durham working for Globe Communications. He would live at his mom’s during the week and come home to me in Wilmington on the weekends. When he brought up the idea to me I was furious. How could he just leave me like that? I felt like I was being abandoned. We actually argued about it a lot and I spent several therapy sessions discussing my feelings with my counselor. She encouraged me to use the time alone to focus on things I enjoy and spend time with friends.

I decided to apply to be an orientation leader for students new to UNCW. The application and interview process was intense and I was thrilled when I found out I was chosen for this special opportunity.  I was required to live on campus with other orientation leaders for a month. My lodging and food were provided and I would be paid.  Since Jarrod was working in Durham, this would keep me busy. I had to find something to do with Georgie for a month while I was away from the apartment. Nanny was happy to watch her for us and Georgie was spoiled rotten for a month!

During this time I was also serving as President of my sorority, Sigma Sigma Sigma. Unfortunately, I was easily swayed by others and made some decisions that I regret. I take full responsibility for those decisions, because ultimately I was the one in charge. I learned a lot and decided that being in charge is not one of my strengths. I would never want to be in administration. After my term as president was over, I became the Rush Coordinator (the name was later changed to Recruitment instead of Rush). I loved that position! I planned events, delegated responsibilities, and had lots of fun motivating my sorority sisters during a typically stressful time.

In July, Hurricane Bertha hit the North Carolina coast. I was taking summer classes at the time and we missed a few days. In September, Hurricane Fran hit our area and brought a lot of devastation to North Carolina. I decided to go stay with Nanny in Stem, but Jarrod decided to stay with our friend Tony who lived close to Carolina Beach. He admitted that he was extremely scared when Fran hit. He said the winds were so loud that it sounded like the house was going to blow away. I thought I would be safe staying with Nanny; however, Fran actually moved inland and seemed to follow I-40. Nanny lived in a double wide trailer and we could hear trees falling all around us.. Nanny was without power for almost 2 weeks. I missed quite a bit of school because UNCW was closed. I remember one of my professors lost his house and was living in a camper when we finally returned to classes.

Overall, 1996 was a busy year, but we learned a lot about ourselves during that time.

PTSD

I know I need to tell part of my story...I'm not sure where to start or even what to share, but it has been weighing heavily on me to just start writing...

Last July, after spending a week in the hospital due to Postpartum Depression (PPD), I was also diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). My psychiatrist added this diagnosis due to intense feelings that I needed to protect my children and strong fear when they were away from me. I also became startled easily and had recurring bad dreams. After discussing part of my history, he definitely felt that I have PTSD and my intense birth experience with Abby, along with the PPD, triggered the return of PTSD symptoms. I've been thinking a lot about different traumatic experiences from my childhood, especially after recently losing my mother and grandmother.

While looking for pictures for my grandmother's memorial DVD, I came across this picture...

I debated whether or not to share that picture. Eventually I decided it is important for people to see it. Some people may not agree with my decision, but this is my story to tell.

My mother was abused by my stepfather and I witnessed a lot of the abuse. When I was in 5th grade they took me away from my grandparents and we lived in Missouri for a year. My grandparents had no idea where I was until they hired a private investigator to find us. (I will share more about that story another time.) At first, things were fun (I thought my grandparents knew where we were.) After a few months all Hell broke loose. My stepfather, Daryle, could be a nice guy, but when he was angry he was pure EVIL. I saw him beat her with a bicycle chain, throw a chair across the room and knock her out cold, punch and kick her until she was unconscious...many times I thought she was dead, but somehow she survived. I just knew he would kill her one day....but he didn't. She died in September (2014) from Lung Cancer.

As a teacher, I look at my 5th graders and my heart breaks because I am sure that some of them are experiencing things that no child should have to endure. I was that 5th grader. I was usually shy and quiet, I always followed the rules. I also loved my mama. I had opportunities to leave that situation, but I wanted to be with her, to try to protect her. I was afraid of how bad he would beat her if I weren't there to try to stop him. He only hit me one time. He was beating my mom and I started pounding on his back to make him stop. He turned around and backhanded me, knocking me to the floor. I was just so glad that he stopped beating her.

The purpose of this story is not to blame or shame my mother. I am writing this because people need to see her face...the face of an abused and broken woman. These faces shouldn't be hidden. Maybe by seeing her face conversations can start about ways to end domestic violence and support the victims and their families.

I am ending this post because I'm afraid I will start to ramble. Please know that I am very open about my past and will answer any questions that you have...feel free to leave a comment or send me a private message.

1995

In January of 1995, our family grew by 4 feet! We got our first dog, Georgie, from our friend Cheryl. Georgie was the cutest puppy! We spoiled her rotten. Unfortunately, we didn’t learn the importance of crate training and she chewed on everything when we weren’t home. Georgie had severe separation anxiety. We tried obedience classes and medication, but a few years later we found out that getting another dog was the answer for her anxiety. Georgie loved going to the beach and to the park. We would take her to UNCW’s campus and let her run around. She would always stay close to us and we weren’t afraid of her running away. I remember one day driving down the road and suddenly hearing a horrible sound. I looked over and Georgie had stepped on the automatic window controller and rolled her head up in the car window! That scared me so much, but she was fine.

Jarrod and I were so excited to move to a triplex unit on Montclair Drive. We now had 2 bedrooms and our own washer/dryer connections. We felt like the Jeffersons….movin’ on up! We became good friends with our neighbors, Stanley and Dwanda. They were an older couple and they loved Georgie so much that they would sometimes keep her for us if we went out of town.

I was still in school at UNCW and working with Xander after school. Jarrod took EMT classes at Cape Fear Community College. He began working for MTS, which was a medical transportation company. He was also volunteering with Pender East EMS. During fall break we took a trip to Asheville to celebrate our anniversary. We visited Biltmore House and had a great time, even though the weather wasn’t great.

Unfortunately, the “honeymoon phase” was ending and we were having a hard time learning how to resolve conflicts. After growing up witnessing a lot of violent situations, I wasn’t good at disagreeing respectfully. Typically, when Jarrod and I were arguing he would shut down. That would always make me SO MAD! I wanted a reaction from him. When he would stop talking and ignore me, my temper would boil over. He would say, “Whatever” and walk away. One night, I was so angry that I picked up a softball and said, “Say goodbye to your computer.” He said, “Do it, I don’t care.” Well, that made me furious. I turned and threw the softball at him instead. He had a glass of tea in his hand and he tossed it in my face. It was all over me and all over the room. I was stunned and couldn’t believe he did that. After that, I started going to counseling to deal with anger issues and learn appropriate ways to handle conflicts. One of our pictures still has a tea stain at the bottom. I was going to replace it, but we decided to save it as a reminder of how far we’ve come and how hard we’ve fought for our marriage.  

One Year

Last October, I attended an annual scrapbooking retreat with some of my favorite ladies in the world! I had no idea how drastically my life would change in the next year.

Since last year’s retreat…..

I was told that I probably wouldn't be able to have another baby without medical intervention...we later found out I was already pregnant at that appointment.

My father-in-law passed away (Jarrod’s stepfather).

I experienced heavy bleeding and thought I was losing the baby. It was actually partial placenta previa.

Jarrod was hospitalized with severe pancreatitis.

We found out we were having a GIRL! :)

Our 13 year old dog, Colby, had to be put to sleep.

Two months later, our 15 year old dog, Gracie, had to be put to sleep.

Abby was born after a very fast, and somewhat scary, delivery.

I was hospitalized for Postpartum Depression.

My mother passed away.

My grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Now I am back at the retreat and taking some time to reflect on the unexpected challenges (and joys) of the past year. I am hoping that writing about some of these experiences will help with my continued recovery and healing.

Love

How do I know Jarrod loves me? 

With tears in his eyes, he took Abby from my arms and walked out of room 4101...leaving me in the Perinatal Pyschiatry Inpatient Unit at UNC. I remember saying, "If I asked you to take me home, would you?" He shook his head and said, "No." I knew I had to stay, but I felt alone, abandoned, ashamed, afraid...what kind of mother leaves her 9 day old baby? How could this possibly help me? 

The night before I went to the hospital was my lowest point. I felt completely hopeless, everything seemed so dark. I felt like a robot...I ate when Jarrod told me to eat or when someone brought food. Honestly, everything from that week seems a little "fuzzy." I tried to act like everything was normal...that afternoon I took the boys to school to meet their teachers. We went to Staples to get some school supplies. I figured if I got back into a regular routine everything would be fine. 

Nighttime was always hardest for me. I would try so hard to keep it all together during the day, but at night I couldn't keep pretending and would fall apart. I would hold Jarrod and cry for what seemed like hours. I felt so bad for him because all he could do was hold me and tell me it would be ok. Because I had been through this twice before, in my mind I knew it would be ok...but when you're going through a deep depression it seems like it will never end...it feels like it will NEVER get better. It is the darkest, most suffocating feeling that you can imagine. It wasn't rational and didn't make sense to me. I looked at Abby and was filled with so much love...how could I also be filled with overwhelming sadness at the same time?! 

That Thursday night as Jarrod held me while I cried, he said, "I just want my wife back." He loves me so much that he was willing to do whatever it took to help me get better...even if it meant taking Abby and walking out of that hospital room. 

1994

This August, Jarrod and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage! Over the next 3 months I plan to write about each year. Some years were more eventful than others...job changes, big moves, births, deaths. I may not be exact with the order of some events...but I will try to get them as close as possible. I used to keep very detailed calendars and wrote down everything! Once our boys came along I got slack and didn’t keep up with my calendars. This project has helped remind me that I should do a better job of documenting life events.

Of course the best place to start is...1994...the year we got married.

We were young...and crazy...and stubborn! I was 18 and Jarrod was 21. Almost everyone told us we should wait, there was no reason to hurry into marriage, it wouldn’t last. Looking back on it now I can understand their concerns; however, I am a hot tempered, stubborn redhead and the more we were told to wait, the more determined I became! Our journey hasn’t been easy, but by the Grace of God we are still together and much more in love every day.

After finishing my freshman year at UNCW, I started working at Oak Grove Elementary’s summer camp. Jarrod was working as a lifeguard at Homestead Heights Pool. We set our wedding date for Friday, August 5th. We chose a Friday because we didn’t have much time to take off work and we wanted to have all weekend for our short honeymoon. We had talked about going to Disney World for our honeymoon, but quickly realized that wasn’t in the budget. One evening I was listening to the local radio station, G105, and called in to win a “Wayne’s World Prize Pack.” Surprisingly, I was the winner! Part of the prize pack was tickets to King’s Dominion because they were opening a new roller coaster called “The Hurler.” We decided that would be a great place to go on our honeymoon because we love amusement parks!

Our wedding was very small. We decided to get married at Concord Baptist Church in Creedmoor, NC.  I found a dress at a small store in Northgate Mall and it cost around $250. It wasn’t meant to be a wedding dress, but I loved it. There were about 15 people at our wedding, including the preacher. We had no photographer, but someone did video it for us. I remember watching the video and hearing “click click click click” from someone’s disposable camera. Haha! I honestly have no idea where the video is now. For a few years I regretted not having a bigger, more formal wedding; however, after attending and being a part of several BIG weddings I am glad we kept it small. I do not like to be the center of attention at all. I didn’t even walk down the aisle at our wedding. I sat in the front row. When Jarrod and his best man came out from the back, my maid of honor and I stood up and joined them. Cheryl Clement (now Bivins) was my maid of honor and Dennis “Jackie” Farmer was Jarrod’s best man.

After our wedding and honeymoon, we loaded up our things and headed to Wilmington so I could start my sophomore year. Jarrod got a job working at Brendle’s and at some point he did landscaping as well (I’m not sure what year he started that.) I was involved with my sorority and also worked with a family after school each day. The boy I watched, Xander, was in elementary school and he was diabetic. I learned a lot about his diet and medical needs. I picked him up from school each day, helped him with his homework, and stayed until his mother got home. I loved my time with Xander and enjoyed hanging out in their gorgeous historic home in downtown Wilmington.

Jarrod and I lived in College Green Apartments. We had a tiny 1 bedroom apartment! It was only 700 sq. feet, but we were excited about our little apartment and all of our new stuff from our wedding….new towels, dishes, cookware!  Everything was new and exciting. Some people say the first year is the hardest, but for us it was fun and wonderful...but darker times were coming.

Cancer

I received an unusually late phone call from my mom on Friday night, June 14th. I didn't answer it (I rarely answer late phone calls from my mom...that's another story.) The next morning, Jarrod, the boys, and I were on our way to our neices' B'Not Mitzvah when I listened to my voicemail. My mom was telling me that her doctor's office called and told her to go straight to the hospital because her blood sodium level was dangerously low. A few minutes later Raeford called to tell me that Mama was in ICU. I was very surprised, but not panicked because I knew other people who had issues with low blood sodium. It wasn't a "life or death situation." 

The normal blood sodium range is 135-145. When Mama got to the hospital her level was 108. The doctor said at that level she was at risk of a stroke or coma. A week later, we still had no idea why her sodium level was so low. Then a scan of her chest showed areas of concern in her lungs. The doctors suspected cancer...I had no idea that low blood sodium could be caused by lung cancer, but I've learned a lot about it now.

On June 25th, my sister and I, along with our husbands and several of Mama's friends, met with one of the doctors. On my notepad I wrote.....

• small cell lung cancer
• spread through chest
• inoperable
• no cure for this type of cancer
• chemotherapy is an option/maybe radiation (to keep cancer from spreading)
• at least stage 2
• SIADH- causing low sodium levels - can go away with treatment of the cancer
• NCI - National Cancer Institute

I've tried to limit my time with Dr. Google, but I admit I have done a lot of searches on "Small Cell Lung Cancer." What I've read isn't good. 

Through all of this, I am so thankful for my church, friends, family, and coworkers for loving and supporting my family. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

Much love to you all!

Dana

Ronald McDonald House

In January, Jarrod and I had a conversation about his 40th birthday...he didn't want a big party, so we decided to honor his special day by serving the awesome families at the Ronald McDonald House in Durham. When the day finally came it was more awesome than we could have ever imagined!!

March 17, 2013

Our amazing group of friends and family who came to show some love to the Ronald McDonald House!

The families loved the food!! Jarrod's family makes a dish called "red chicken" and by the end of the night there was only a small container of leftovers! The ribs provided by our neighbor were also a big hit!!

Joseph was a big help with the cookies!

Jarrod's mom, Jan, is famous for her HUGE batches of chocolate chip cookies! 

The families were excited about the leftovers. :) At the end of the night, we sealed them up in ziplock bags so they could have a snack in their rooms later. 

Connie and her girls loved helping out! They want to come back and volunteer in the future. 

The Birthday Boy!!

The kids were awesome...especially since some of them were there for many hours helping out!

Sweet Eli and Shannon!

This lady has been at the House since September 2012. Her daughter was CURED of sickle cell...and they left the House to return home the day after we visited!

Jarrod's sister, Jennifer, was amazing...she has lots of experience cooking for large groups of people! She is always in charge of the meal planning when we all go to the beach! :)

Of course, we forgot something at the House and had to go back the next day. This was a great opportunity for a picture with Ronald! :)

Legopalooza

Jarrod and a friend from our Lego Group took 3 super excited boys to the "Legopalooza" event at Morehead Planetarium on March 16th. They loved looking at all of the awesome displays. 

"What's this Daddy?" The boys didn't know anything about Ghostbusters! 

Jarrod got some great panoramic shots.

Jarrod was drooling over the vintage Legos and the super organized display cases!

The ski village was awesome...lots of cool details.

Check out these adorable Lego fans!!

Fear

Recently, Joseph has been experiencing a lot of fear and anxiety at bedtime. It's not just "trying to get out of going to bed." It is real fear. I remember experiencing this as a child...I was very fearful and worried about EVERYTHING! I don't want Joseph to let fear control him...it is so hard as a parent to handle these types of situations...especially when you are tired and just want to go to sleep!

His current fear is of someone breaking into our house. I can't tell him that will never happen. I've explained to him that the dogs would go crazy if someone tried to break in and that would wake up Daddy. He replied, "So, what could Daddy do about it? He doesn't even know how to fight." (I had to giggle a little when he said that!) Jarrod has tried to explain to him that if our family were in danger, he would do everything in his power to protect us. Joseph then started worrying that the bad guy might have a gun and shoot Daddy.

These are real fears...these things could happen...we live in a world where evil is real...bad guys are real...

I've just been praying with him every night and teaching him how to pray. Here are some Bible verses that we've used when praying:

Psalm 27:1

The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

ADHD

I've been asked, "Why do you tell people that Joseph has ADHD? Shouldn't that be kept private?"

My response.... WHY?? It's not something to be ashamed of!

As a teacher, I've encountered many different viewpoints on ADHD. Many parents refuse to even consider an ADHD diagnosis. Others refuse to consider medical interventions. Each family has the right to choose what's best for their family, but do NOT try to make me feel embarrassed or ashamed...or like a "bad parent" for our family's choices!

I've heard....

ADHD isn't real...it's just an excuse for bad parenting and letting kids have too much freedom.

I'm not going to put my kid on medicine just to make the teacher's job easier.

I guess I'll have to swallow my pride and try medicine for my kid.

Instead of ranting on and on about a subject that I am passionate about, I will just tell about our experience...

My husband has ADHD and is currently taking medication. In my opinion, this medication is just as important as blood pressure medicine or a hearing aid...it helps him live a productive and successful life. It has helped him personally, professionally, and physically.

As a special education teacher, I know the signs and symptoms of ADHD. When Joseph was very young I immediately recognized ADHD characteristics. In kindergarten he struggled to focus and had a hard time completing his work. When given free time, he moved from one activity to another, rarely finishing anything. First grade was even more difficult due to increased academic expectations. He rarely finished ANYTHING in class and was so distracted that he needed to have his desk moved away from his peers. We even tried a "wiggle seat" to help with his need to constantly move. Joseph goes to the school where I work and I admit that it was hard to see him isolated in class, but I knew that was what he needed...he was a distraction not only to himself, but also to his peers. Both his kindergarten and first grade teachers noted that he had strong academic abilities, but it just didn't show in his work (or lack of work)!

Jarrod and I decided to have him evaluated by the same doctor who worked with Jarrod when he moved to North Carolina. There was CLEAR evidence that Joseph has ADHD. His academic testing showed strong skills, especially in reading. The choice to us was clear...he would immediately begin medication to help him meet his full potential. The difference has been night and day...amazing. Now, it hasn't been an overnight "miracle cure." We have tried 3 different medications and several different dosages. As Joseph grows, we realize we will need to make adjustments. It was important for us to find the right medication, rather than trying one and saying, "It doesn't work, let's just give up!"

Joseph is very aware of the need to him to take medicine. At one time the doctor wrote the prescription for 5mg capsules so we could see what dosage worked best...Joseph told me that 3 pills was the best and helped him pay attention. He calls it his concentration medicine. Thankfully, with me being at his school he will come to my class if I forget to give him the medicine...he immediately notices a difference when he gets to class if he doesn't take it.

We talk openly with Joseph about his ADHD and the medicine...we never want him to feel ashamed or defeated because of it. Of course, we also don't let him use it as an excuse to get out of doing challenging work! :)

We are all very proud of Joseph...we're also thankful for the teachers and doctors who have helped him along the way!

If any of you ever want to talk about our experience or need advice, please feel free to ask! We are very open in talking about ADHD because

IT IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

Disney World (Part 1)

I have a feeling that there will be several posts about our Disney vacation, so I titled this "Part 1."

First, here is some background info...

The week before Christmas in 2010, we went on a family vacation to Disney World. The boys had fun and we learned a lot about what we would do differently next time. Unfortunately, the trip was VERY stressful for me and Jarrod. I thought it would be great for our family to get away from our daily stress...but I was wrong. Jarrod had been unemployed for about 9 months at this point and even though we were given money for this trip as a Christmas gift, it was still stressful to go and spend money knowing the tight financial situation that we were facing back at home. I also didn't realize that from mid-December to New Year's is the busiest time of year at Disney. The rides had LONG waits and the crowds were INSANE. Jarrod doesn't always do well with big crowds like that, especially when he's already under a lot of stress.

When I brought up the idea of going back to Disney, Jarrod was a little hesitant...but after we talked about it we knew that it would be different this time and...

It was amazing!!!

There are several reasons that this trip was so successful...

• Jarrod has a job so we are in a more stable financial situation (however, everything started to break down the week before we left! Ugh!)
• We decided to go during fall break which is not an extremely crowded time. This is another reason that I love year-round schools...our fall break is my favorite!
• Free Dining Plan! All of our meals were covered...we were able to eat at some really cool restaurants!
• Staying at a Disney resort costs more, but the convenience of using their transportation and taking advantage of Extra Magic Hours makes it worth it.
• We decided to stay at a resort with an AWESOME pool and it was within walking distance to Epcot. 

Jarrod and I are thankful that we were able to take this trip as a family...especially since we don't get to spend a lot of time together since Jarrod is still working in Maryland. I promise that I will write more details about our trip...with pictures!! :) 

The End of the Wasp Season

I was hanging out at the pool with Joseph and Eli last Sunday and I saw someone reading a book titled...

The End of the Wasp Season

I had no idea what the book was about, but the title of the book felt like a slap in the face. It brought back many of the emotions and grief of my father's death a year ago. I can't believe it has been a year since he was stung by that wasp. I haven't written about it very much, but I think now is the time...

On the first day of the 2011-2012 school year, I was sitting in my classroom frantically working on my schedule when I got a phone call...my dad had been stung by a wasp...one wasp...on his finger. He went into anaphylactic shock and the EMS was trying to revive him. He had just enjoyed lunch at his favorite Mexican restaurant with his sister and was at her house for the afternoon. He reached down to pick up a flower pot...that's when he was stung. He said something like, "Damn it, I've been stung." Due to his history of severe allergic reactions to stings, my aunt turned to get her keys to head straight to the hospital, but within seconds he was on the floor and had stopped breathing.

He went approximately 50 minutes with no oxygen to his brain. The doctors were able to restart his heart, but we knew the situation was serious. Our family still had lots of hope, because he had already overcome a massive stroke just a few years earlier...we were told he wouldn't survive that stroke and if he did he would never be able to talk or feed himself or remember any of us...but he proved them all wrong. This time it was very different though...several tests showed that he had no brain activity and his organs were beginning to shut down. We quickly realized that he was already gone...only the machines and medicines were keeping his heart pumping.

Two short days later, my dad's close family stood by while the machines were stopped. I didn't know what to expect...even though the doctors and nurses had prepared us as best as they could. It was all over rather quickly...he was gone. Even though I didn't have a very close relationship with my dad, I loved him very much and it was hard losing him so suddenly. I worried about my aunt who was with him when he was stung...she blamed herself even though there was nothing that could have been done...the doctors said an epi pen wouldn't have saved him because the reaction was so severe. The EMS hit him 6 times with epi and he didn't respond at all. I worried about my sister who was so close to my dad...I knew it would be extremely hard on her, but she has done a great job managing her grief this year.

The next few days went by in a blur...and I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from everyone...my sister-in-law kept Eli, a friend brought dinner to the hospital, another friend picked up Joseph from school, etc, etc, etc. I feel like I never properly thanked all of the people who loved us, prayed for us, and supported us through that time of grief. If you are reading this, please accept my apology for not appropriately thanking you...I love you all so much!

With All My Love,
Dana

Aren't you embarrassed?!

Someone recently asked me, "Aren't you embarrassed to post those before/after pictures of your house online?"

I've reflected on that question for a few days and my answer is...yes and no.

I am ashamed that my house got to that level of disorder and chaos. I am sure I will soon be posting lots of my reflections about things that I've learned along this journey; however....

I am not too embarrassed to post the before pictures, because I see it as no different than people posting before/after weight loss pictures. These pictures help me to see how far I have come and they hold me accountable...they remind me that I don't want to go back to that point of utter despair and humiliation.

I also hope that these pictures will help other people who may be in similar situations. It took me years to finally allow someone to come into my home and help me. I was too embarrassed to ask my close friends that I frequently spend time with. I finally asked a friend that I see twice a year at a local consignment sale to come help me. As I stood at the door of the first room we decluttered, I was basically paralyzed. I didn't know where to start...it was too overwhelming. I had started working in that room before and quickly gave up....I needed someone like my friend, Geri, to come in and basically take over. I am now motivated to tackle more areas of my house on my own.

I challenge anyone who is feeling lost or overwhelmed with clutter to find a nonjudgemental friend to come and at least help you get started. I feel so much happier...and I don't have that tight feeling in my chest every morning when I wake up.

There is still A LOT of work to be done, but I am now motivated to continue making progress! Thank you all for your encouragement, prayers, and support! Now I need to get up from this computer and keep working....

Happy Birthday to My Sister

Just wanted to take the opportunity to say 

"Happy Birthday" to my sister, Jessica! 

Love ya!

These pictures were taken at her wedding...it was a beautiful day!

Don't Look in the Bags!

My awesome friend, Geri, came today and helped me make more progress in the dungeon basement! She even brought her 2 daughters who had no idea what they were in for...we started in my "office." During all of the cleaning and sorting, I saw Geri filling trash bags with stuff...there ended up being 6 trash bags! I was tempted to open all of the bags and "make sure" that I didn't need the stuff in the bags, but after talking to some other friends...they made me promise that I would NOT look in the bags! :)

 There's still a lot of work to do, but....WOW! I can't believe we made this much progress!!

Next, we moved into Eli's room...we got 2 bags of trash out of this room. Eli was so surprised when he got home tonight!!

 Once again, Sydney was SO HAPPY to have space to roll around!! :)

Apparently, two of my best friends had their feelings hurt because they have never seen my basement...well, I am sure Geri wouldn't mind having their help when we move on to the next part of the basement!! LOL

Revolve

Are you still going to the Summit?

Did you join Ridgecrest?

Where is your family going to church now?

Why did you leave the Summit?

These are just a few of the questions we've been asked over the past year. I've been wanting to write a blog post about our journey, but I wasn't exactly sure how to answer all of those questions...I honestly didn't know the answers to some of the questions. 

Since 2001, as active members of Homestead Heights Baptist Church (which became the Summit Church), Jarrod and I were involved in lots of different ministries. The Summit Church has been a huge part of our lives...through our infertility journey, pregnancy loss, and the birth of our two sons. Unfortunately, at some point we became disconnected. This sometimes happens as churches grow, but we do not blame the church. We had every opportunity to get involved with small groups, but as Jarrod's work schedule constantly changed and eventually led him to Maryland, we made excuses why we just couldn't get more involved. Eventually we simply stopped going to church. 

Months passed and I knew we needed to make a decision....find a way to get involved at the Summit again or find another church to join.  Our boys were already involved in the awesome Children's Ministry at Ridgecrest Baptist Church...they had attended Awana and VBS there for a couple years. I knew lots of people there and had been invited to Ladies Craft Night and other events. So, Jarrod and I started going to Ridgecrest and joined an awesome Sunday School Class. We finally felt connected again....but I was not ready to join. I was still feeling pulled to something different.

My awesome coworker, Brunell Moody, had been keeping me updated on the new church her son and daughter-in-law were launching. I had dinner with them one night and they explained their vision for Revolve Church. I told them that I would pray for their church, but I couldn't get involved because we were just becoming active at Ridgecrest. Over the next few months, God kept placing Revolve Church on my heart. Our Sunday School class began a time of transition with our leaders leaving and I felt that it was time for us to make a commitment to Revolve Church. From the time I made that commitment to join their launch team, I became excited about church again....I don't mean that to sound negative toward the Summit or Ridgecrest....both of those churches are doing awesome things for Durham (and the world!!) I am just excited to be a part of something new...helping something start from the ground up.

If you are curious about Revolve Church, please come out to Frankie's Fun Park on Thursday, June 21st at 6:00pm. You will learn more about the mission of the church and there is no obligation to get involved! Please join us for dinner and a FUN night learning more about how God is building this church to impact Durham. Feel free to ask me any other questions....you can leave a comment here or email me at walkerfamily94@gmail.com. 

Progress

I had an awesome, brave friend come help me in my downstairs family room/junk room today! I joked and told her that I was going to make her sign a confidentiality agreement so she couldn't tell anyone how bad it was. For some insane reason, I decided to post evidence online. Joseph was home today and helped us, too.

 It's like "Where's Waldo?" Where's Joseph?!

 I still need to go through a few boxes of toys. Thankfully the consignment sale is coming up soon!!

Sydney was so excited! She actually had room to roll around on the carpet...now I need to vacuum again!!