1995

In January of 1995, our family grew by 4 feet! We got our first dog, Georgie, from our friend Cheryl. Georgie was the cutest puppy! We spoiled her rotten. Unfortunately, we didn’t learn the importance of crate training and she chewed on everything when we weren’t home. Georgie had severe separation anxiety. We tried obedience classes and medication, but a few years later we found out that getting another dog was the answer for her anxiety. Georgie loved going to the beach and to the park. We would take her to UNCW’s campus and let her run around. She would always stay close to us and we weren’t afraid of her running away. I remember one day driving down the road and suddenly hearing a horrible sound. I looked over and Georgie had stepped on the automatic window controller and rolled her head up in the car window! That scared me so much, but she was fine.

Jarrod and I were so excited to move to a triplex unit on Montclair Drive. We now had 2 bedrooms and our own washer/dryer connections. We felt like the Jeffersons….movin’ on up! We became good friends with our neighbors, Stanley and Dwanda. They were an older couple and they loved Georgie so much that they would sometimes keep her for us if we went out of town.

I was still in school at UNCW and working with Xander after school. Jarrod took EMT classes at Cape Fear Community College. He began working for MTS, which was a medical transportation company. He was also volunteering with Pender East EMS. During fall break we took a trip to Asheville to celebrate our anniversary. We visited Biltmore House and had a great time, even though the weather wasn’t great.

Unfortunately, the “honeymoon phase” was ending and we were having a hard time learning how to resolve conflicts. After growing up witnessing a lot of violent situations, I wasn’t good at disagreeing respectfully. Typically, when Jarrod and I were arguing he would shut down. That would always make me SO MAD! I wanted a reaction from him. When he would stop talking and ignore me, my temper would boil over. He would say, “Whatever” and walk away. One night, I was so angry that I picked up a softball and said, “Say goodbye to your computer.” He said, “Do it, I don’t care.” Well, that made me furious. I turned and threw the softball at him instead. He had a glass of tea in his hand and he tossed it in my face. It was all over me and all over the room. I was stunned and couldn’t believe he did that. After that, I started going to counseling to deal with anger issues and learn appropriate ways to handle conflicts. One of our pictures still has a tea stain at the bottom. I was going to replace it, but we decided to save it as a reminder of how far we’ve come and how hard we’ve fought for our marriage.  

One Year

Last October, I attended an annual scrapbooking retreat with some of my favorite ladies in the world! I had no idea how drastically my life would change in the next year.

Since last year’s retreat…..

I was told that I probably wouldn't be able to have another baby without medical intervention...we later found out I was already pregnant at that appointment.

My father-in-law passed away (Jarrod’s stepfather).

I experienced heavy bleeding and thought I was losing the baby. It was actually partial placenta previa.

Jarrod was hospitalized with severe pancreatitis.

We found out we were having a GIRL! :)

Our 13 year old dog, Colby, had to be put to sleep.

Two months later, our 15 year old dog, Gracie, had to be put to sleep.

Abby was born after a very fast, and somewhat scary, delivery.

I was hospitalized for Postpartum Depression.

My mother passed away.

My grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Now I am back at the retreat and taking some time to reflect on the unexpected challenges (and joys) of the past year. I am hoping that writing about some of these experiences will help with my continued recovery and healing.

Love

How do I know Jarrod loves me? 

With tears in his eyes, he took Abby from my arms and walked out of room 4101...leaving me in the Perinatal Pyschiatry Inpatient Unit at UNC. I remember saying, "If I asked you to take me home, would you?" He shook his head and said, "No." I knew I had to stay, but I felt alone, abandoned, ashamed, afraid...what kind of mother leaves her 9 day old baby? How could this possibly help me? 

The night before I went to the hospital was my lowest point. I felt completely hopeless, everything seemed so dark. I felt like a robot...I ate when Jarrod told me to eat or when someone brought food. Honestly, everything from that week seems a little "fuzzy." I tried to act like everything was normal...that afternoon I took the boys to school to meet their teachers. We went to Staples to get some school supplies. I figured if I got back into a regular routine everything would be fine. 

Nighttime was always hardest for me. I would try so hard to keep it all together during the day, but at night I couldn't keep pretending and would fall apart. I would hold Jarrod and cry for what seemed like hours. I felt so bad for him because all he could do was hold me and tell me it would be ok. Because I had been through this twice before, in my mind I knew it would be ok...but when you're going through a deep depression it seems like it will never end...it feels like it will NEVER get better. It is the darkest, most suffocating feeling that you can imagine. It wasn't rational and didn't make sense to me. I looked at Abby and was filled with so much love...how could I also be filled with overwhelming sadness at the same time?! 

That Thursday night as Jarrod held me while I cried, he said, "I just want my wife back." He loves me so much that he was willing to do whatever it took to help me get better...even if it meant taking Abby and walking out of that hospital room. 

1994

This August, Jarrod and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage! Over the next 3 months I plan to write about each year. Some years were more eventful than others...job changes, big moves, births, deaths. I may not be exact with the order of some events...but I will try to get them as close as possible. I used to keep very detailed calendars and wrote down everything! Once our boys came along I got slack and didn’t keep up with my calendars. This project has helped remind me that I should do a better job of documenting life events.

Of course the best place to start is...1994...the year we got married.

We were young...and crazy...and stubborn! I was 18 and Jarrod was 21. Almost everyone told us we should wait, there was no reason to hurry into marriage, it wouldn’t last. Looking back on it now I can understand their concerns; however, I am a hot tempered, stubborn redhead and the more we were told to wait, the more determined I became! Our journey hasn’t been easy, but by the Grace of God we are still together and much more in love every day.

After finishing my freshman year at UNCW, I started working at Oak Grove Elementary’s summer camp. Jarrod was working as a lifeguard at Homestead Heights Pool. We set our wedding date for Friday, August 5th. We chose a Friday because we didn’t have much time to take off work and we wanted to have all weekend for our short honeymoon. We had talked about going to Disney World for our honeymoon, but quickly realized that wasn’t in the budget. One evening I was listening to the local radio station, G105, and called in to win a “Wayne’s World Prize Pack.” Surprisingly, I was the winner! Part of the prize pack was tickets to King’s Dominion because they were opening a new roller coaster called “The Hurler.” We decided that would be a great place to go on our honeymoon because we love amusement parks!

Our wedding was very small. We decided to get married at Concord Baptist Church in Creedmoor, NC.  I found a dress at a small store in Northgate Mall and it cost around $250. It wasn’t meant to be a wedding dress, but I loved it. There were about 15 people at our wedding, including the preacher. We had no photographer, but someone did video it for us. I remember watching the video and hearing “click click click click” from someone’s disposable camera. Haha! I honestly have no idea where the video is now. For a few years I regretted not having a bigger, more formal wedding; however, after attending and being a part of several BIG weddings I am glad we kept it small. I do not like to be the center of attention at all. I didn’t even walk down the aisle at our wedding. I sat in the front row. When Jarrod and his best man came out from the back, my maid of honor and I stood up and joined them. Cheryl Clement (now Bivins) was my maid of honor and Dennis “Jackie” Farmer was Jarrod’s best man.

After our wedding and honeymoon, we loaded up our things and headed to Wilmington so I could start my sophomore year. Jarrod got a job working at Brendle’s and at some point he did landscaping as well (I’m not sure what year he started that.) I was involved with my sorority and also worked with a family after school each day. The boy I watched, Xander, was in elementary school and he was diabetic. I learned a lot about his diet and medical needs. I picked him up from school each day, helped him with his homework, and stayed until his mother got home. I loved my time with Xander and enjoyed hanging out in their gorgeous historic home in downtown Wilmington.

Jarrod and I lived in College Green Apartments. We had a tiny 1 bedroom apartment! It was only 700 sq. feet, but we were excited about our little apartment and all of our new stuff from our wedding….new towels, dishes, cookware!  Everything was new and exciting. Some people say the first year is the hardest, but for us it was fun and wonderful...but darker times were coming.