Forgiveness

I am so glad I went to Sunday School yesterday! I am excited about a new series that we are studying...it is all about forgiveness. Today's lesson reviewed some of the reasons that people don't forgive others...and I could relate to every one of them!

Here are 5 excuses we give for not forgiving someone:

1. The hurt is too big. I can relate to this. If someone does something small to hurt me, I find it easy to forgive them....but "big" hurts like physical or emotional abuse, neglect, etc....those are very difficult to forgive. A good friend once told me that hurting people hurt people. That makes sense to me. When I think of the people who have hurt me, especially in my childhood, I can see how they were hurting too.
2. Time will heal it on its own. I tend to ignore things rather than face them up front. I hate confrontation...I would rather avoid the person who hurt me rather than rehash the situation. I have recently learned that bottling things up is not at all a healthy way to live...I had a situation where I became very angry with someone who hurt me in the past. I let YEARS of anger explode....I released all of that pent up rage that I had been ignoring. I didn't handle it in a very mature way and I regret it.
3. I'm not forgiving them until they say sorry first. One of my biggest fears is telling someone who hurt me, "I forgive you," and have them deny the whole experience ever happened. I have to realize that when I forgive them, I am clearing my heart from the hurt...but they will have to deal with their guilt or denial in their own way. It is not my job to judge them...I am only told to forgive them. Just like I was forgiven by God when I didn't deserve it.
4. I can't forgive what I can't forget. I experienced or witnessed some very disturbing things when I was a child. I have had a hard time getting past those images that replay in my head. Through counseling and prayer, I have come to accept that those things all led me to be the person I am today. I promised that I would never let my children experience those things and I have become very sensitive to others who are hurting. When I see someone in need I want to do everything I can to help them...I believe that my past experiences have made me more aware of the needs of others. When I forgive those who hurt me I know the memories won't completely go away. In time they have faded and I no longer see them in vibrant color...now they are mostly fuzzy black and white.
5. If I forgive them, they will just do it again. Apparently we will discuss this issue in more detail during the next few weeks. I have a very hard time forgiving "repeat offenders." When I know the person hasn't changed and will continue the abusive behavior, it is so difficult to forgive them. I need to come to terms with what it means to "forgive." It doesn't mean you condone the behavior or allow that person to continue hurting you. You can forgive them, but then make sure they aren't able to hurt you again. I think about the women in my life who repeatedly went back to abusive boyfriends/husbands. The abusers begged, "Please forgive me. I will never do that again." It is ok to forgive them, but they shouldn't be given the power to continue hurting you.

Wow....sorry this is so long, but I am glad I took the time to reflect on yesterday's lesson. It is obvious that I need to learn a lot more about forgiveness...and I also need to seek out those who I have hurt and ask them to forgive me.