After getting so much accomplished during my break from work, I am feeling so defeated tonight. I knew I wouldn't be able to continue decluttering at the same pace, but I wasn't expecting so many things to go wrong this week. Before I get into my venting, let me explain a little bit about how I grew up...
I love my grandmother dearly. I grew up with her and have a very close relationship with her now. When I was young, especially during my teenage years, when I would complain she would say, "So many people have it worse off than you." My response...."Yeah, but so many people have it a lot better than me, too!" (Remember, I was a teenager!) As an adult, when I get overwhelmed or stressed, I constantly think about all of the people who have it worse than me. Sometimes this is good, but sometimes it is bad...I start putting unreasonable expectations on myself...
- If she can work 2 jobs, take her 3 kids to dance and soccer, volunteer at the school, and teach Sunday School, I should be able to handle _________.
- If she can take care of 5 kids after her husband left her, work full time, and never complain, I shouldn't complain about Jarrod working out of town during the week.
- If she can drop off her kids at 3 different schools and always get to work on time looking like she stepped out of a magazine, then I should not be late almost every morning!
There are many problems with this way of thinking. First, it makes you start to envy and resent other people, a lot of times these people are your friends. It damages relationships and does nothing to ease any of the stress that you are feeling. Second, sometimes it is therapeutic to let yourself have a pity party, without comparing yourself to anyone else. It can help to let go of everything you have bottled up inside...especially if you have friends and family that you can trust not to judge you or put you down. Third, it is also important to remember that these people that you are comparing yourself to are all dealing with their own issues. I sometimes negatively compare myself to one particular "Super Mom" who seems to always "have it all together." Sadly I recently learned about some serious issues she is dealing with in her life.
I am now going to have my own pity party....I need to stop thinking that I should be able to handle everything on my own and keep it bottled up. I am only sharing these things so my friends will be able to support me and pray for me. This is not meant to make anyone feel sorry for me, because I do realize how SUPER BLESSED my life is!
Lately I have been feeling like a total failure as a wife, mother, teacher, friend, home owner, dog owner, church member, etc... I don't feel successful in any of these areas. I constantly feel overwhelmed and "barely hanging on."
As a wife, I know when my husband comes home on the weekends it is stressful for him to walk into a house in chaos. I made so much progress on decluttering, but this past week I went back to work, got sick, had a sick dog that woke me up almost every 2 hours, etc. The house was truly a wreck when he got home. I feel really bad for not making our home a more welcoming environment.
As a mother, I constantly feel guilty because I don't have the boys signed up for sports, scouts, lessons, etc. The only extracurricular thing they are doing right now is Awana at church. I have promised Joseph that I will sign him up for guitar lessons, but I haven't done that yet. I think Eli would love to get involved with sports, but I keep missing the deadlines to sign him up.
As a teacher, I feel pulled in so many different directions....teaching, testing, paperwork, meetings. There is never enough time in the day. This is my 15th year teaching and I LOVE my school and LOVE my students; however, I don't love the direction that our public schools are heading. More and more expectations on teachers with less staff to get it all accomplished.
As a friend, I have been feeling very guilty for not doing a better job staying connected and finding time to get together. On the weekends, my time is usually devoted to Jarrod since I don't see him during the week. During the week, if I want to have a Girls Night Out, I have to find someone to watch the boys. I've recently been feeling like I may have hurt a friend's feelings because she hasn't been talking to me as much as usual...maybe I'm just paranoid and she's just super busy like me.
I am not going to continue going through each area of my life....I think the blog has a limit on how long your posts can be! :) I would like to thank you all for the encouragement you've been giving me as I declutter. Today I stayed in my pajamas and napped on the couch while trying to recover from this bad cold (I think it's just a cold.) I hope to get back to my projects soon!
Thanks for letting me have my pity party! Now it's time to get back to work!!
You are experiencing what every mother/homeowner/pet person deals with. We've all been there and support you! Each weekend I clean my house (or parts of it) and by Thursday, it's an absolute wreck. If anyone would like to judge me in a negative way, they should come walk in my shoes for a week or two. The same can be said for you. Having young children is exhausting without even working full time and your job is no picnic (even though it can be so fulfilling at times). Just get through one day at a time. :)
ReplyDeleteDana, Dana, Dana, I just love you! You are experiencing the chaos that all of us moms deal with. You work a full time job, 2 very active boys and trying to keep a house clean. I work one day a week, stay home most of the time, working on my college degree, but in between do laundry and cleaning when I need a break. But I've told my husband when I work full time I will have to just get a maid because I'm not doing it all then. I remember working full time and doing everything on the weekends when I didn't have children and now that we have kids every weekend is full of sports/ activities/ cub scouts, etc. and I wish I could just dump it all. I am selfish of my time and sometimes I just want to dump all the activities and do something fun for me. I can help you with keeping on task. I keep a family calendar on the wall in the kitchen and I write everything on that calendar. I also keep another calendar for meetings/ etc. and I am constantly referring to my two calendars. They keep me straight. As for cleaning, there is always another day... sometimes you need to take a break.I always do my cleaning on a Monday because I can enjoy it clean all week, then start over the next week. For you, I would do my cleaning on a friday after work/ school if you can. Again, though your boys are active and I know how hard it is to get anything done when your kids are going crazy like mine do. I know you'll get through all of this. Just know you have good friends out there and we all love you! Hang in there girl!
ReplyDeleteOK - so here's what you worry about during the day:
ReplyDelete1) Tell your kids and hubby you love them. (That's really all the boys will remember later anyway).
2) Feed the children, feed the animals, feed yourself.
3) Make sure the house/yard is basically clear from broken glass, used needles, rabid pests, and tetnus-causing-rusted debris.
4) Pray, and breathe.
Everything else can wait and/or isn't as important as you think it is. You have to remember, all the Oprah episodes of alchoholic, secret-lives, you-wouldn't-believe-what-she-did moms started out with your above mentioned scenarios: 'She kept the house, cared for the kids, and arrived to her full-time job looking like a super-model, BUT nobody knew she really.....' :)
You're a rockstar mom. Own it.
Total ditto to Jenny's reply! Hi, Dana. I applaud you for addressing your real feelings! I've experienced and I'm pretty sure almost everybody experiences EACH of the feelings you shared. Feeling we don't and CAN'T measure up to some (artificial, societal) standard is the most natural response to expectations we feel are imposed on us but ... ones we DO get to choose ... IF we choose! Turns out that our lives, our homes, our relationships, including our special family relationships will never be perfect because not one of us IS perfect. People like to mask their own struggles and create facades. I did. In fact, all of life is pretty messy, if you ask me! Right not I'm working on not JUDGING ... including the hardest one ... not judging myself! I'm taking a stand for you, too! Rock on, girl. Keep putting first things first ... on YOUR list. LOVE. (Love yourself, too. I do!)
ReplyDeleteLove you, friend! Now, let's have a GNO. ;)
ReplyDelete